


Bingo Square B3

by DramamineOnTopOfMe



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Chef/Food Critique, I'm so sorry, Instagram, M/M, Pawn's Tacos is a thing for me, Pride, Spideyool Bingo 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 21:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19709359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramamineOnTopOfMe/pseuds/DramamineOnTopOfMe
Summary: Food/Chef Critique square for Spideypool Bingo 2019.Wade is a Youtube Critic, taking celebrity foods and making them himself to test if they are actually good, and Peter's a fan.





	Bingo Square B3

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt from the Spideypool Isn't It Bromantic (18+) server on discord, I cannot remember who the original prompt was from, but I thank them dearly.  
> Edit 20 minutes later; Oh fuck, I forgot to mention that I'm keeping tabs on my bingos on tumblr! Alpacashavenames, feel free to t follow or bother me over there

MJ opens his apartment door about halfway through the video, smiling at Peter when she sees him hunkered down on the couch. “Watching Wade again?” She teases. 

He nods, focused on Wade humming Welcome to the Jungle while cutting carrots. He can hear his apron swishing with the drums. Peter smiles, thinking about how much fun these videos must actually be for him to make. 

“Dude, just tell him that you know he makes cooking videos. You’re pining over someone in videos, even when you know him in real life!” 

“I can’t! Once he finds out I’m a pathetic child that can’t cook, I’ll never live it down! Just let me enjoy this, MJ!” 

“I dare you to comment something on Spider-Man’s twitter about his videos.” That’s an idea. 

Peter opens the app and types it out, remembering to add a link to his latest video. 

_ @WallCrawlerNYC _

_ Anyone looking to watch an oversized child trash talk some famous people’s food, watch @WadeJudgesFood on YT! #foodcritic #hesgreatIswear _

“What are the chances he actually sees this,” Peter questions, putting his phone back in his pocket. 

“If he’s from New York, or America, really, probably a one in ten. If he’s from outside the country, and he might be, considering that accent, I’d say more like a one in five hundred.” 

  
  


Peter squeals, opening Wade’s latest upload a week later. He’s sitting on the corner of a rooftop, overlooking the southern part of Queens. 

“Hey everybody, Wade here. I got an influx of twitter followers this week. I guess I have the NYC Wallcrawler to thank for that? Thanks, Spider-Man, didn’t know you watched my stuff,” Wade’s voice is clear through the speakers. His gloved hands are in frame, placed over a mixing bowl and a few spices. 

Peter pauses the video and takes a second to breath. He should not be this worked up about someone noticing him. He’s noticed all the time as Spider-Man, why is this different? 

He presses play, “Today we’re going to make Kylie Jenner’s Garlic Ramen, because why the fuck not. If she can have a shitty makeup line and have a kid, why can’t she make food too?” 

Peter snorts at the words, Wade’s annoyance is palpable. 

“Okay I shouldn’t be so rude, she’s probably really nice? In that weird  _ I’ve been a celebrity since I was a child and I’m worth more than all of your internal organs combined, _ kind of way, Y’know what I mean?” 

Wade’s hands fling around the screen as he pulls specific ingredients from the table off camera. 

“Okay so we’re starting with a plain ol’ pot of boiling water for the noodles. I add a bit of salt, to help with the boiling, and it adds salt to the ramen as well. Apparently she puts garlic powder, butter, and- and an egg?” His voice raises, obviously confused. 

“What the hell, who adds uncooked eggs to ramen? Oh, wait, she cooks it with the noodles, phew!” The camera shakes slightly as he hits it with his elbow. 

Wade waits a few minutes for the noodles to cook, then cracks an egg and adds it to the pot, “I’m gonna answer a few questions here, because waiting in silence for this to do its thing is pathetic. Someone asked me a few videos ago why I wear gloves all the time, the answer, dear, is that I’m a chef. You should be more concerned if I’m not wearing gloves in a video,” he stirs the pot a few times. 

“Second question is from twitter, _ @beefcakes224 asks, how old are you? You sound like you’re a grown man, but have the humor of a sixteen year old.  _ I am 34, and yes, ladies and gents, I’m available.” 

Wade measures out a half a teaspoon of garlic powder and a tablespoon of butter, then dumps them into the pot. As he stirs again, he says, “Last question is from  _ @WebslingerGF324 _ , love the handle b-t-dubs,” Wade snorts, “ _ Are you a fan of Spider-Man? He’s a fan of you.  _ I am a fan of Spider-Man. I’ve been around his area a few times, hoping to run into him. Actually, hey, Spider-Man, if you’re watching this, meet me on the corner of 1st and Titan, say 3 days from when this posts? It’s the building with the little umbrellas for gremlins. I’ll be the one wearing the kilt.” 

He stirs the pot a few more times then adds a half tablespoon of butter and a teaspoon of garlic powder. 

“It didn’t give me exact measurements for the spices, so I guessed. We’ll see whether I choke or not.” 

Once the food is ready, Wade makes a bowl and huffs, “I’m really worried this is going to be disgusting guys, eggs and noodles don’t go well together for me.” 

He takes a bite though, and chews for a minute. 

“Okay, I was an ass, this is surprisingly delicious! I don’t know if I get the spices right, like I said earlier, but I like what I did here. I’d give this an 8/10 for prep and ease. Definitely a 10/10 on taste. Kylie Jenner cannot do makeup, but she can do ramen.” 

* * *

Peter scopes out the area two nights later, looking for anyone in a skirt or dress. He pauses when he spots a man, about 6’2” or 6’3” walking around in a black kilt, bright colors showing as he sways. 

“Wade!”

The man looks around, searching for the voice. 

Yep, that’s him. 

Peter swings down and lands in front of him, “Holy cow, you’re taller than I thought, nice pride kilt,” Peter’s tall, taller than the average American male, but he’s not super tall. 

“You’re skinnier than I thought. Figured you’d be a beefcake, considering how much you swing around on strings.” 

Wade smirks, hood up around his face, hands in his sweatshirt pocket. He’s got scars, and now Peter understands why he doesn’t show himself on camera. 

“I’m Spider-Man,” Peter reaches out a hand, and smiles.

“Wade, I assume you’re smiling under there, even though I can’t see it. I’m sorry about the mug, not pretty to look at.” 

“What are you talking about, you’re a hunk,” Peter grips his hand a little tighter, and takes a step closer. 

“You don’t have to-” 

“Seriously, I’ve seen worse, you’re not bad at all.”

Wade pulls back his hand and blushes, kicking some rocks under his feet. Peter can’t help but think it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen a grown man do. 

“Are you hungry? I was gonna get tacos or something, unless you need to go-” 

He nearly yells, “NO!” Then quiets down, realizing how loud he’s being, “I mean, no, I could eat. Um, there’s this really good taco place down the street otherwise the taco truck is parked somewhere near here.” 

“Pawn’s Tacos? I love that guy!” 

“Yeah! We could go there, they’re pretty fast,” Wade nods and starts to walk down the street, Peter following closely behind.

  
  



End file.
